I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
