For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
