I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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