I am in a vortex of obligation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
