I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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