the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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