Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
