You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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