omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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