She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
