Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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