I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
