bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
