Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
