my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
