JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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