Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
