Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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