he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
