Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
