just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize