Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
