she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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