Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
