my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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