Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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