He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
