i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
