Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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