I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
