he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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