he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize