Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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