we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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