I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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