fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
