so that wasnt chicken after all
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
