maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
