im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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