I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
