I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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