I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
