i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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