you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
