I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
