Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
