he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't deserve a penis
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
