I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
