These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
