I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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