I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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