Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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