Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize