i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
