I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
