i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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