Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You left your phone here
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