Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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