Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize