your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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