Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
