walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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