you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize