Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
