what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize