By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
