When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
