he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
