I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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